


We’re Back

by colorBlip



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Emotions, F/M, Feelings, PTSD, Pink Diamond, Spinel - Freeform, Spinel comforts Steven, Steven Universe - Freeform, Steven Universe Future, Steven and Spinel, Steven goes ham, The Garden, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:08:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22399096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colorBlip/pseuds/colorBlip
Summary: Steven and Spinel talk about their feelings.
Relationships: Spinel/Steven Universe, Steven Universe/Spinel
Comments: 9
Kudos: 98





	We’re Back

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone please enjoy my new fic :) thanks for reading and leave comments!1!!1😘😘

Spinel had a lot to think about. 

She had told herself over and over again that it wouldn’t come to this, but she had ultimately ended up, back to the place she never left. 

But this time, it wasn’t like that.

She was actually not here to cry, or have a breakdown.

She had a hard-to-read expression on her face, not knowing exactly how, or what to feel. 

The garden was just a place that she swore she wanted to see disappear, but simultaneously couldn’t imagine life without it.

But, the garden wasn’t all that bad, now. She had actually taken a moment in these past few months, with the time when the Diamonds got really busy — to fix up the garden. She had replaced the long ago, wilted pink roses with something else. Her new favorite flower since her time on Earth — the yellow geranium. 

The color was bright, and reminded her of her personal favorite of the three — Yellow Diamond. But most importantly, it reminded her of Earth. She’d always spot these in the grass, just swaying in the gentle breeze that blew throughout Beach City. 

Another simultaneous memory of this particular flower was her first time visiting Earth again, after everything. She and Steven were just sort of standing there, and he had blurted out some cheesy pick-up line that ran along the same thing as ‘welcome to Earth!’, before finding one of these in the grass, and holding it out to her with a coy smile.

A beautiful planet, that one is. She would never admit that out loud, though. 

It made the place seem much more hospitable, in her mind. It at least drowned out the overuse of pink that there was on this small planet. She hated that color, even if it meant hating her own self, since her whole form consisted of different shades of pink. 

  
  


So there Spinel sat, nonchalantly on the steps that led up to the warp pad. She could see almost the majority of the planet from up here. It was almost like a reality check when she came here. It just came to show how far she’s come from the oblivious gem she once was. 

  
  


Unbeknownst to Spinel, the Diamonds were worried sick about the pink gem, back on Homeworld. They wandered frantically around the palace, searching in places they thought she might’ve been hiding in. 

But none of them, not once even thought of checking the garden. To think they would’ve caught on by now.

At first they gave it a few hours, figuring that it was another one of those unannounced games of hide and seek that she’d play a little too often.

So, of course. They immediately contacted Steven for his advice. It was pretty late back on Earth, but the Diamonds, who knew nothing about Earth time, thought nothing of it. Actually, Steven was already asleep when they had called him through the communicator that sat on his nightstand, but he still answered nonetheless.

  
  


The three Diamonds huddled in front of the screen, and (mostly White) filled him in on the situation with a panicked voice. The call ended with a sigh from the bleary-eyed Steven, but he immediately had an idea of where Spinel might’ve been.

  
  


Steven, himself wasn’t exactly in the best of places right now, either. Maybe it was everything from his past catching up to him, but he’s been having these unexplainable outbursts that happened when he turned pink? How was he supposed to explain this to the Gems? Why couldn’t Garnet just look into the future and tell him what was wrong?!

They started to happen a lot more frequently as well. It did little to contribute to a good mood on top of trying to forget everything bad that ever happened to him, but what can you do? That Crystal Gem life, amirite?

A few minutes and an energy protein shake later, he warped over to Homeworld and looked around in a few places before going to where he sort of automatically knew where she was. He told the Diamonds to wait here, and that he’d be back with Spinel in a bit. They all agreed, and waited there, exchanging worried expressions.

Spinel was absorbed in her thoughts, gazing blankly at nothing in specific. 

It was the shrill sound of the warp pad that got her attention, and her head immediately whipped around towards the sound. 

The flash of light that followed the sound promptly dissipated, and revealed the person she was least expecting to see.

His eyes were round when he spotted her, surprised that his predictions of finding Spinel here were correct.

“Spinel! There you are,” 

When they made eye contact, Steven’s expression noticeably softened, relieved to see that she hadn’t been crying. “Is… everything okay?” 

“Steven!... Uh, surprise to see you here,” she quickly responded, not knowing what to say. She stood, and absent mindedly fiddled with her fingers nervously.

“I - … what are you doing… here?”

Steven sighed, “The Diamonds called me here. They said they didn’t know where you were…” 

Spinel hummed in realization. She really hadn’t thought about telling the Diamonds where she was going, or when she’d be back. 

“They were so worried about you! But I’m glad you’re safe. Do you… wanna head back?” Steven pointed back in the direction towards the warp pad.

“No! Um,... no. I want to be… here. Right now.” Spinel responded faster than she had intended to, clearing her throat to make it seem as if it were intentional.

Steven was taken aback. A bit confused, you could say. Why, of all the places would she want to be here? The place where she was left and abandoned, then forgotten by the only person she ever loved? 

He didn’t fail to notice the renovations that Spinel had made to the place, either.

“Well then… what are you doing here? All alone?...”

Spinel didn’t think of that. Why was she here? Maybe it was a little weird to come back here. But this felt like her home…

“I was just…”

Her sentence went unfinished, which was the start of a short silence among them. 

“You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want.” He smiled reassuringly at her, 

“Besides, I see you’ve done some decorating! It looks great,” Steven changes the subject, directing his attention to the arch way, which had yellow flowers wrapped around it on a vine, and everything past that point having yellow dotted throughout the whole garden. 

“Yeah, I fixed up a little! Let me give you the grand tour,” she matched his smile before beckoning him to follow her.

It took little convincing to get Steven to follow Spinel through the garden. He lagged behind her, taking his own time to admire the displays that mostly consisted of the color yellow. She showed him secret areas of the place that only she knew about (because really, who else was there to show?), and there was even a spot where she buried that dead bird that she had picked up back on Earth, which — was a bit concerning, but he still smiled in spite of that. 

“Do you come here… often?” Steven asked almost dumbfounded, as it was kind of obvious that she did.

She seemed panicked at first, but then she soon spoke again. “Often? Pssh. No way!...”

It wasn’t believable. Not one bit. He didn’t hide his expression of distrust, and listened when she spoke again.

“I just like to come here… to think, sometimes…” 

Good one, Spinel…

She smiled awkwardly at him before she turned her attention to something on the ground. While she wasn’t looking, Steven analyzed her expression. It was unreadable. Just blank.

He knew something was up. 

That was something Spinel didn’t even know. She felt so numb to her real emotions. She was not really good at hiding it, though.

The pink gem spoke again, attempting to start a conversation between them. “So... has everything been great back on Earth?”

Steven was growing impatient. He didn’t want to press her to talk, or rush her to get out of here… but the further they drifted from the warp pad, he grew uneasy. It brought back many memories that he would rather just forget...

“Everything’s… good? Nothing has really changed, though. I… you should come visit again, soon. You, … and the Diamonds. Or just you, if you want.”

Spinel didn’t seem excited about the suggestion like she usually did. Her smile faded when she looked off to the side,

  
  


“I don’t think your friends will be… too thrilled if I did that. They already didn’t want me there when I came the last time,”

It was true. The gems were all about second chances, but the suspicion was high when it came to Spinel. He thought, maybe at least Amethyst and Spinel would hit it off, but, no…

Maybe it was from the lack of sleep, or maybe he just didn’t put enough energy mix in his shake. Why did it bother him so much, all of a sudden that so many innocent people and gems had been so downtrodden by his mom?

“I just wish I could fix it all.” He blurted, realizing just how hysterical he actually was. 

During that time, he thought about what it might’ve been like to stand here… for years upon years, with no assurance of Pink’s return. 

  
  


The gem beside him turned to him with a questioning look. “What? Whaddaya mean?”

“I just wish… I was able to undo her mistakes. Everything she ever did is catching up to me, now… and it’s too much for me to handle,”

He couldn’t though. Pink Diamond is gone, and there was no going back. He would just have to deal with it, or die trying. He knew there was more out there. It isn’t over... it couldn’t be. That’d make it too easy. 

  
  


“I just know there’s more out there waiting for me. Another problem to fix. More gems to fight. This is my life!”

  
  


“And Spinel,... I’m sorry,” he cried, gripping her shoulders tighter than he intended to. 

“I’m sorry you had to go through what happened when my mom just… left you here!” 

The pink gem in front of him slightly flinched, surprised by his sudden outburst of emotions. 

Out of options when the tears threatened at the back of his eyes, he silently cried, clinging to her as he slowly slid down to his knees. 

“Spinel, you and I both know what this place reminds me of. Don’t you just want to forget?...” 

He felt so immature. Isn’t he supposed to be the one who solved everyone’s problems? Now he was here, crying to the last person he’d ever thought he’d cry to. 

Meanwhile, Spinel watched him incredulously as he slid down. Her eyes were wide, not thinking in a million years that Steven freaking Universe would ever act so vulnerable like this, especially to her…

She could tell that these emotions had been bottled up, and kept inside of him for a long time. 

She knew these feelings all too well. 

Spinel just never knew things were so tough for the guy.

“It just feels like… I’m…like I’m alone, ...you know? It just feels like there’s no one who faces these problems, except me…”

He thought about everyone leaving him. Connie going off to college, and moving on without him. He thought about how the gems didn’t need him anymore. 

“And Spinel... you’re…”

“you’re all I have left…” he conceded sorrowfully, feeling another tear roll down the side of his face.

Even if she wasn’t there to see it, he probably really had been through a lot. She looked down at him as he hiccuped, trying to catch a breath as he wept quietly. 

  
  


“I get it.” A small voice above him spoke. Her voice was almost desperate. It was like she never knew there was someone who could say the exact words she said to herself everyday.

His head went up in her direction, watching her through his wet eyes,

“You… get it?”

She quickly nodded, “Of course. I get it.”

He looked down. Sure, being abandoned wasn’t anything compared to what he was going on about, and it was definitely much worse than doing the things he had to do…

Maybe she did get it. Spinel probably was the only one who did get it. 

“It doesn’t go away… it never does. You just have to try everyday to be okay with it.” She sounded so sure of that first part. That was what dissipated any hope there was, but they both knew it was the truth.

“At least, ...that’s what I’m doing…” 

Spinel smiles knowingly at him, and reaches for his hands which were wrapped around her, and pulls him up to his feet again.

“Spinel, I…” he muttered, looking down to avoid any eye contact. Not that it mattered though, Spinel was also trying not to look him in the eyes. 

Guilt wavered on Steven’s expression. He felt pathetic. Maybe it was him who was beating himself up, and running himself over for no reason. Spinel just seemed to sort of accept everything… her past, her future, and she even seemed to have found a way to cope with her emotions. He knew it was selfish, but her growth frightened him. 

Maybe Jasper was right… the only one who needed help... was him.

“Spinel? How did you get over it?”

“Can’t you see? I didn’t. That’s why I still come here everyday! It’s because I’m weak...I haven’t gotten over it. I don’t think I ever will…” She looked at him, only to find him frowning and looking in the other direction. 

Steven’s eyes widened when she mentioned coming here everyday. Not that he hadn’t suspected it, but it was still a little shocking to him. 

“What a sorry excuse for someone who’s supposed to always be happy… right?” Spinel chuckled dryly, and a small, sad smile appeared on her face. She let go of one of his hands and wiped away a tear from her eye. 

Steven finally regained his composure to meet her gaze. He let out a shaky breath, and matched her sad smile. 

“That would make me a pretty sorry excuse for the savior of the galaxy then, huh?” He lifted the back of his free hand to wipe away wetness from his eye. Now might not have been the appropriate time, but he felt a genuine laugh trying to escape him after he said that. It would be pretty funny to tell a random person on the streets his story, and see their reaction.

Joking was a good a good way for both of them to express their empathy. The pink gem loosened her grip on the hand of his that she was still holding, before pulling him in for a hug.

A hug was something he didn’t know he so desperately needed right now. At first he was slow to react. He held his arms out behind her, but he wrapped his arms around her soon after.

Both of them agreed to head back to Homeworld, considering the Diamonds were most likely still waiting in the same spot he left them. They walked back through the garden, absentmindedly holding hands. 

Steven remembered last time they left the garden under the same, crepuscular sky. He was so desperate for his happily ever after, that ended as soon as it came. Or had it even started?

He remembered the way he let go of Spinel’s hand while they were warping, last time they were here. He didn’t get how much Spinel just needed a friend. She just needed someone to point her in the right direction. 

He thought about how from afar, their lives are technically perfect, and they’re supposed to be okay. But their respective pasts have affected them immensely, and it’s taken years of bottled up emotions to realize that they’re very not okay.

But, now… he thinks he finally understands it. He finally understands her. 

And this time, he didn’t let go of her hand. 

After this, he planned on returning back home, and sleeping for the rest of the day. His day at Little Homeschool world have to wait until tomorrow. He was relieved to see that the Diamonds hadn’t moved or gone off to search for Spinel themselves. 

“We’re back!”

**Author's Note:**

> This is such a sort fic but it took so long to write :’) I hope my work pays off and you guys like it!! Leave a comment letting me know what you think 💗💗 thank you for reading !


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